I saw this on The Politics an Finance blog, hilarious and sadly true.
The Liberal Code of Beliefs
I'm a Liberal because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
I'm a Liberal because I love the fact I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my horse.
I'm a Liberal because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% or higher isn't.
I'm a Liberal because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
I'm a Liberal because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
I'm a Liberal because when we pull out of Iraq I trust the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.
I'm a Liberal because I believe people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday, CAN tell us the polar ice caps will melt away in 10 years if I don't start driving a Prius.
I'm a Liberal because I believe business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.
I'm a Liberal because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who could NEVER get their agendas past the voters.
A Liberal has to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
A Liberal has to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
I'm a Liberal because my head is so firmly planted up my own butt, it's unlikely I'll ever have another point of view.
"A Liberal is a person who will give away everything they don't own."